From http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/storypage.aspx?StoryID=113743
The letter says it all, as far as I am concerned, about the state of our "traditions" (for example: you have to marry a girl whom you got pregnant); consequences of such a marriage (that is: you can never, ever get a divorce that will be recognized in our country, the benighted Philippine nation); and the awful effects on the children (that is: they’re illegitimate). I leave you with this letter. I did not correct grammar and style. I did, however, made comments in between (in red).
Dear Atty. Legarda,
I have a bigamous marriage. I married an OFW in 1994. I don't have stable job at the time of our secret marriage officiated by an evangelical priest. I wonder whether this is an even a valid marriage, Jibril. Many "evangelical priests" are not authorized to marry people.
We maintain four years long distance relationship before I was caught up with an officemate with the same situation. I try very hard to save our marriage by asking her to go home and stayed with me. I have a stable job already by that time but she was traumatized by childhood hardship experience. She refused and stayed working abroad. Here is the perennial problem of families who prefer dollars and cents to love and family life.
Even my ego was hurting the way she didn't trusted me that I could give her a good life. I decide on to ask for a transfer of assignment before it's late. But God, the father was harsh for me by putting another hard road. Being a senior staff, I was instructed to train new employees. Unfortunately, I failed God test and submit my self to Satan. I get pregnant one of my trainee. With just instinct, I committed a crime for my second civil marriage. The problem of "tradition" rears its ugly head in this particular instance. Jibril, marrying a woman only because she is pregnant is not the way to go. It is not "macho". It is not right. It does not give the marriage the blessings of God or of society.
I had part ways with my first marriage without legal remedy. After ten years of marriage with my second marriage I had crossed path with my first marriage. She has a family now. There is neither more bad feeling nor remorse. She has the luxury to count on her achievement while I prove to her I can give my family a decent life. One thing I can't hide for myself that through the years I still love her. I know you can't give me any legal remedies or a love notes. You can have your second marriage declared void, assuming your first marriage is not valid, on the ground of the same being void bigamous. You may have to bear the consequences of a bigamy charge, however, which your second wife may file against you – especially if she wants revenge because you didn’t tell her that you had once been married.
I just want to express my disenchantment to our Catholic faith hypocrisy for the being not open for a Divorce Law. Old Testament has divorce, polygamist (All prophets except Jesus have many wives), and incest narration. Moreover, Spain that give us Christianity and Italy who hosted Rome have a divorce law. Everyone have his/her own case. Those who advocate for monogamous marriage should put their mind out of box. Definitely, Christian hypocrisy makes many marriages in vain. Amen.
Best regards,
Jibril (not my real name)
I just can't stop myself from replying, and here's my letter:
Hi Atty. Legarda,
I am one of your column readers. I may not be an avid fan, but I just wish to express my concern on the so called "Christian Hypocrisy" that was expressed on your column at abs-cbn interactive.
This is my understanding of his letter: "May asawa ako, OFW. Dahil malayo sya, nami-miss ko na sya. Ayaw nyang umuwi. At dahil mahina ako, nagkaroon ako ng relasyon sa ibang babae at nabuntis ko pa. At dahil doon pinakasalan ko sya thru civil marriage. At ngayon ayaw pumayag ng simbahan sa divorce.Mahal ko pa rin ang una kong asawa. Gusto ko ng diborsyo pero dahil sa kaipokritohan ng simbahan ayaw nilang pumayag."
After thoroughly reading the letter, the sender had admittedly stated his bigamous relationships. what I do not understand is his intent in adding divorce in his letter. I admit that there is something wrong in the Filipino thinking that when a guy makes a girl pregnant, they push the couple to immediately get married. Truth be told, this happened to my parents. they were not very ready to make their relationship work, being so young and all so I can somewhat relate to his plight.
But first and foremost, it was of their own decision for doing sex after all which resulted to pregnancy. And now he blames the Catholic faith for not allowing divorce?
My point is, it was after all their abrasive decisions that resulted to their so-called misery of having a bigamous affair, why do they have to blame the catholic faith? Can't they at least think very hard before doing such actions? Can't they see what divorce is doing to other countries? Isn't it more of his hypocrisy to blame something else besides himself? Let's all take responsibility of our actions. And be prepared in entering into serious relationships rather than being so supportive of something we all know won't solve the problem. The church has been creating pre-marriage seminars, and a lot of filipinos do not engage, even avoid it, since they see as much of a bother. There are even marriage counseling & seminars yet they do not make themselves involved. Marriage is an up and down road, it is a decision. so be more of an adult, stop pointing fingers.
My regards,
*My Name Inserted*
I really kept my cool. Sa loob-loob ko, tang-nang, 'to! Lalandi-landi ka at bubuntis-buntis ka, tapos sasabihin mo ipokrito ang simbahang katoliko! eh gago ka, sa susunod bago mo ipunla ang semilya mo sa ibang babae, isipin mong wala nang atrasan yan! hindi mo na naisip ang batang ginawa mo!
at kung babae ang anak mo, ipagdasal mong di sya buntisin ng lalaking tulad mo, ulol!
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